Tuesday, March 27, 2007
A New Twist On Creation
In the beginning, God created the Heavens and the Earth and populated theEarth with broccoli, cauliflower and spinach, green and yellow and redvegetables of all kinds, so Man and Woman would live long and healthy lives. Then using God's great gifts, Satan created Ben and Jerry's Ice Cream andKrispy Creme Donuts. And Satan said, "You want chocolate with that?" And Man said, "Yes!" and Woman said, "and as long as you're at it, add somesprinkles." And they gained 10 pounds. And Satan smiled. And God created the healthful yogurt that Woman might keep the figure thatMan found so fair. And Satan brought forth white flour from the wheat, andsugar from the cane and combined them. And Woman went from size 6 to size14. So God said, "Try my fresh green salad." And Satan presented Thousand-IslandDressing, buttery croutons and garlic toast on the side. And Man and Womanunfastened their belts following the repast. God then said, "I have sent you heart healthy vegetables and olive oil inwhich to cook them." And Satan brought forth deep fried fish andchicken-fried steak so big it needed its own platter. And Man gained moreweight and his cholesterol went through the roof. God then created a light, fluffy white cake, named it "Angel Food Cake," andsaid, "It is good." Satan then created chocolate cake and named it "Devil'sFood." God then brought forth running shoes so that His children might lose thoseextra pounds. And Satan gave cable TV with a remote control so Man would nothave to toil changing the channels. And Man and Woman laughed and criedbefore the flickering blue light and gained pounds. Then God brought forth the potato, naturally low in fat and brimming withnutrition. And Satan peeled off the healthful skin and sliced the starchycenter into chips and deep-fried them. And Man gained pounds. God then gave lean beef so that Man might consume fewer calories and stillsatisfy his appetite. And Satan created McDonald's and its 99-cent doublecheeseburger. Then said, "You want fries with that?" And Man replied, "Yes!And super size them!" And Satan said, "It is good." And Man went intocardiac arrest. God sighed and created quadruple bypass surgery. Then Satan created HMOs.